Ben turns 10 tomorrow. I have been feeling the weight of this birthday more than any other, even Jake turning 13 did not have the feeling of passage like this one. My youngest in double digits.
It feels like things will never be the same, that now the time will pass in a bigger blur, that no matter how many frames of time I steal with my camera, I will never freeze it again, won't even slow it down.
His whole life will pass in these double digits, everything that is going to happen to him starts now. To all three of them, teen years, 20's, 30's, dating, marriage, children, jobs, pets, college, houses and cars and vacations and accomplishments and failures, all those things that make up a life. 40's and 50's and slowing down, losing grandparents and then parents, 60's and 70's, maybe even 80's. All in decade chunks, all capsuled and neat and clipped off. His first chunk of time is gone.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Changes
This was his idea...
I saw this kid, Ezra Miller, and loved his haircut.
Showed it to Jake and he liked it-or rather he was tired
of the tangles...and agreed to try this.
I think I got pretty close!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Alone and not Blue
I have the anti-blues today.
I woke up early. I had Vault and pizza rolls for breakfast. I am awaiting a girlie movie from Netflix. I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen and poked around with the laundry. The house is clean enough for my peace of mind. With 6 kids coming for a sleep-over tomorrow, I hardly think a good scrubbing will even be noticed and it will just have to be done again afterward!
The kids are all at Cathy's, Matt is at work. He took my van so he could get a bike at lunch and the kids after work, so I have the Volvo with the sun roof and loud radio. I am thinking of a photo montage at the Huntsville Museum of Art entitled: With neither the time nor the inclination to stop, I took these through the sun roof. A shed, an old-fashioned gas pump, a tree swathed in kudzu, a cow tipped at a 30 degree angle with a blurry barn in the back, the cow calmly chewing some cud.
This time of year, I feel invincible. The weather is not hot or cold, the sun is high and the sky is clear. Leaves are changing and falling, the wind is just breezy enough to inspire ass-moving to keep from getting chilly. It's not a lethargic season-and yet the day ends with a door-slamming suddeness. It's black by 6, feeling like the middle of the night. I get lulled into sleeping like a log and waking early-the sun already full and bright. It's a time of potential.
I filled out financial aid applications for the local community college this morning. I barely made a dent in the college life before opting to be a mama. So much in that one sentence, so many hours and decisions, and yet in the end-that simple. I was made to be Jake's mom, to have Channa with the freckles and the brain that surpassed my own probably by age 5 and Ben with his dimples and crabby mornings and turtle love. Jake with his visions of being the hero, though Chandler was dressed as a pioneer for Halloween, he told everyone she was 'a grateful citizen' who followed him around. She punched him. I love being mama.
But days like this-though far between-when it's just me and a few cats and a house that hardly needs to be messed with, I wonder what happens after this phase. For the first time in years, I feel like I can plan for the next phase and not just wait to see what happens, how things work out. A proactive life again. hmmmm
I woke up early. I had Vault and pizza rolls for breakfast. I am awaiting a girlie movie from Netflix. I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen and poked around with the laundry. The house is clean enough for my peace of mind. With 6 kids coming for a sleep-over tomorrow, I hardly think a good scrubbing will even be noticed and it will just have to be done again afterward!
The kids are all at Cathy's, Matt is at work. He took my van so he could get a bike at lunch and the kids after work, so I have the Volvo with the sun roof and loud radio. I am thinking of a photo montage at the Huntsville Museum of Art entitled: With neither the time nor the inclination to stop, I took these through the sun roof. A shed, an old-fashioned gas pump, a tree swathed in kudzu, a cow tipped at a 30 degree angle with a blurry barn in the back, the cow calmly chewing some cud.
This time of year, I feel invincible. The weather is not hot or cold, the sun is high and the sky is clear. Leaves are changing and falling, the wind is just breezy enough to inspire ass-moving to keep from getting chilly. It's not a lethargic season-and yet the day ends with a door-slamming suddeness. It's black by 6, feeling like the middle of the night. I get lulled into sleeping like a log and waking early-the sun already full and bright. It's a time of potential.
I filled out financial aid applications for the local community college this morning. I barely made a dent in the college life before opting to be a mama. So much in that one sentence, so many hours and decisions, and yet in the end-that simple. I was made to be Jake's mom, to have Channa with the freckles and the brain that surpassed my own probably by age 5 and Ben with his dimples and crabby mornings and turtle love. Jake with his visions of being the hero, though Chandler was dressed as a pioneer for Halloween, he told everyone she was 'a grateful citizen' who followed him around. She punched him. I love being mama.
But days like this-though far between-when it's just me and a few cats and a house that hardly needs to be messed with, I wonder what happens after this phase. For the first time in years, I feel like I can plan for the next phase and not just wait to see what happens, how things work out. A proactive life again. hmmmm
Monday, November 2, 2009
November 1
Matt and I headed out for a few hours to do some hiking/photoing/geocaching on the 1st.
We had no destination in mind, so I drove us toward the lake, looking for leaves. We stopped at the dam on 'our side' and then used Nuvi to get us around to the other side and we hiked a lovely trail to a small cliff and found another geocache and started for home. We had dinner at Taco Bell, sitting in the parking lot so I could listen to This American Life.
It was a great day, I really enjoyed the alone time with my honey.
We had no destination in mind, so I drove us toward the lake, looking for leaves. We stopped at the dam on 'our side' and then used Nuvi to get us around to the other side and we hiked a lovely trail to a small cliff and found another geocache and started for home. We had dinner at Taco Bell, sitting in the parking lot so I could listen to This American Life.
It was a great day, I really enjoyed the alone time with my honey.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Farewell, September!
As I type this, lunch time has come and gone on this last day of the month. I am back from vacuuming the van and spent some time with some wet scrub wipes giving the inside a good once-over. The vacuum at the local place suck in that they don't suck. There is still dog hair all over the floor. But it's a starting point anyway and hey, we're going to the beach!
All that's left is packing our personal clothing and items and loading that and the food into the van. And closing up the camper and getting it ready and hitched to the van. It is currently infested with small housecats and large houseflies. I plan to have it all done by the time Matt gets home so we can enjoy our evening together and not stress over last-minute this and that.
Poor Matt, I feel so bad leaving him behind, especially considering his huge aversion to being left. He routinely freaks out if I push the buggy out of the store while he is still fiddling with his wallet after paying for groceries. Heaven forbid I go down a different aisle and him not see me! He reminds me of Jake, who once threw himself onto the back of my car while I was just changing parking spots.
Speaking of Jake, he was just in here chatting about Anne Hathaway-again. I guess it's a step up from his pre-school years when was determined he would marry a blonde. This was after he opted out of marrying his sister, despite the fact she was the 'onwy gull I we eber lub.' At 2 and 4, they were surprisingly well-reasoned in their thought process, they held hands to provide a united front and Jake-of course-did all the talking when the engagement was announced, though she nodded now and then.
So many things go through your mind when your children decide to get married and so many more things when they decided to get married very young and even more when they decide to get married so young AND to each other. Luckily, Po came along and opened his mind to 'lubbing' someone other than Chanopolis without us having to delve into details of why inter-family weddings are a bad idea.
Well, back to the list, I guess. I still need to clean some more in the house, floors need some attention and so on. And the packing...I hate the last day at home and the first day of the trip, it's SO much work. Same thing when we get back-the long drive, the unloading of the van and camper, the 11 loads of laundry and a whole bushel of stuff from elsewhere that now needs to be put somewhere. The odd aversion to throwing away parking permits and campsite tags and ticket stubs.
Off we go
All that's left is packing our personal clothing and items and loading that and the food into the van. And closing up the camper and getting it ready and hitched to the van. It is currently infested with small housecats and large houseflies. I plan to have it all done by the time Matt gets home so we can enjoy our evening together and not stress over last-minute this and that.
Poor Matt, I feel so bad leaving him behind, especially considering his huge aversion to being left. He routinely freaks out if I push the buggy out of the store while he is still fiddling with his wallet after paying for groceries. Heaven forbid I go down a different aisle and him not see me! He reminds me of Jake, who once threw himself onto the back of my car while I was just changing parking spots.
Speaking of Jake, he was just in here chatting about Anne Hathaway-again. I guess it's a step up from his pre-school years when was determined he would marry a blonde. This was after he opted out of marrying his sister, despite the fact she was the 'onwy gull I we eber lub.' At 2 and 4, they were surprisingly well-reasoned in their thought process, they held hands to provide a united front and Jake-of course-did all the talking when the engagement was announced, though she nodded now and then.
So many things go through your mind when your children decide to get married and so many more things when they decided to get married very young and even more when they decide to get married so young AND to each other. Luckily, Po came along and opened his mind to 'lubbing' someone other than Chanopolis without us having to delve into details of why inter-family weddings are a bad idea.
Well, back to the list, I guess. I still need to clean some more in the house, floors need some attention and so on. And the packing...I hate the last day at home and the first day of the trip, it's SO much work. Same thing when we get back-the long drive, the unloading of the van and camper, the 11 loads of laundry and a whole bushel of stuff from elsewhere that now needs to be put somewhere. The odd aversion to throwing away parking permits and campsite tags and ticket stubs.
Off we go
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sparkle...
I feel newly alive, I swear all the rain nearly had me ready to jump under a bus.
Today we got the last of the 'stuff' for the trip. I thought about throwing a 0% interest check from the credit card company in the bank so we would not have to budget so much, but when I went to check our balance, it was such a better number than 6 months ago that I decided the budget could stay. I don't want to get any more debt.
I was in such a good mood about being out of debt that I crunched the numbers on the van loan and by adding $50 a month to what I have been paying, we can knock 11 months off the remainder of the debt! I fixed the auto payment to start that in January. Woot woot.
Also, our one card will be paid off in just another year! I am feeling better about getting us caught up and out of debt. : )
We have 2 days left before we head off-tomorrow we will be at Cathy's and the next day we will be cleaning the house and doing stuff, packing and all that. I am more excited about seeing our friends tomorrow than I am about going camping all month. hahaha! I guess because they require so little work while the trip has become a part time job.
Today we got the last of the 'stuff' for the trip. I thought about throwing a 0% interest check from the credit card company in the bank so we would not have to budget so much, but when I went to check our balance, it was such a better number than 6 months ago that I decided the budget could stay. I don't want to get any more debt.
I was in such a good mood about being out of debt that I crunched the numbers on the van loan and by adding $50 a month to what I have been paying, we can knock 11 months off the remainder of the debt! I fixed the auto payment to start that in January. Woot woot.
Also, our one card will be paid off in just another year! I am feeling better about getting us caught up and out of debt. : )
We have 2 days left before we head off-tomorrow we will be at Cathy's and the next day we will be cleaning the house and doing stuff, packing and all that. I am more excited about seeing our friends tomorrow than I am about going camping all month. hahaha! I guess because they require so little work while the trip has become a part time job.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Another Day
It has rained and rained and rained the last 3 weeks. I am about tired of it now, I am ready to go outside and do things and I am ready to get some pictures that don't involve some form of damp. I told Matt if it rains like this on our trip, I am turning around and come right back home. I can't even get the camper set up long enough to finish packing, let alone long enough to spray and seal and let it dry for 48 hours. Storms through the weekend. Maybe next Monday and Tuesday...since we leave on Wednesday, I hope that will be a workable plan.
Matt had practice twice this week and a gig this weekend. We came up with new words this weekend. 2 practices in a week is practi. When you are comfortable and then get uncomfortable and have to shift around, you are getting recomfortable. Also, someone who drives really close you your rear bumper is a tailgator.
I still have a list of stuff to buy and stuff to do. The trip is starting to take on a life of its own. I remember my father getting packed for a week's vacation. He put 2 changes of clothes into a brown paper bag along with a razor and shaving cream and his toothbrush and deodorant. Sometimes, he skipped the razor.
I am having fun with my new website, looking forward to getting that going. Updated the previous trips at roamschool last week. Marking stuff off my lists. Watching Buffy with Jake-the movie, not the series. It's pretty awful, I may have to counteract it with Serenity or something. I can't believe Joss wrote something we don't love. Pee Wee Herman as a vampire?
Matt had practice twice this week and a gig this weekend. We came up with new words this weekend. 2 practices in a week is practi. When you are comfortable and then get uncomfortable and have to shift around, you are getting recomfortable. Also, someone who drives really close you your rear bumper is a tailgator.
I still have a list of stuff to buy and stuff to do. The trip is starting to take on a life of its own. I remember my father getting packed for a week's vacation. He put 2 changes of clothes into a brown paper bag along with a razor and shaving cream and his toothbrush and deodorant. Sometimes, he skipped the razor.
I am having fun with my new website, looking forward to getting that going. Updated the previous trips at roamschool last week. Marking stuff off my lists. Watching Buffy with Jake-the movie, not the series. It's pretty awful, I may have to counteract it with Serenity or something. I can't believe Joss wrote something we don't love. Pee Wee Herman as a vampire?
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