Is it the heat? I dunno.
We went without a heat pump all winter to save up to have it fixed this spring. It came on twice after he left and died for good-it does not even click. I called to see if there was any hope having him come look again, maybe a loose wire that was easy to spot, and he was in the hospital having heart surgery. So for now, we are going the box-fan-in-the-window routine and deciding what we need more-a central unit, a new roof or a newer car. Or rather, what we need most/first. I think we can do without a central unit, though that's optimism talking. It's not actually HOT yet.
In the meantime, I am economizing as much as possible, which is furthering my funk because Matt is off this week and I want to go have an adventure, but there's no money for that. I was just off on a trip last week. I hate his job. I have sense enough to appreciate that he HAS one, but there is some point when just having a paycheck is the only perk, it starts to suck. It's at that point. Forced vacation is the worst, it negates anything like...the shitty medical insurance that does not cover stuff like medical-related tests and the fact that he can take lunch at 11 OR at 11:30 without anyone complaining.
I can't focus, I have ideas for writing and even sitting in place, I wander off in my brain and look down 20 minutes later to realize I have doodled 4 leaf clovers and can't recall what I was going to write. Uggh. I feel useless. There, that's what's wrong.
Okay, shutting up and publishing now, maybe I can come back later and reveal how I amazingly overcame my funk and saved a small village and wrote 7 fabulous chapters that earned me an advance that perfectly covered a new roof, AC and used car.