Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
I never finished college. I was busy with Jake and though I know many, many women have children and go on to finish school or work full time or be doctors or politicians or spies, I was blindsided and by the time I recovered, he was here. I guess I figured the people in charge would realize I had no business with a baby and would come get him and I would get on with what I was doing. Now, nearly 2 decades later, he's still here. But that's not my point. My point is, I am sure had I stuck with school I would have learned...who knows what because I had no declared major. But in that mix of classes and bright young people and wiser older folks, I am sure I would have picked up some useful items. One of those would probably have been the phrase 'ascribe intent' and knowing that might have saved me some angst.
I have had to look it up three times already because I want to remember it, but my brain keeps helpfully thrusting the word 'accretion' out. Accretion is the opposite of erosion. Which is a nice word to know, but it's not mindset-changing like 'ascribe'. It means to attribute. The phrase means to make up and then assign, via just what your own brain is telling you, the reason someone else does something. Usually with bad intent. The person who took the last box of your favorite snack at the store only wants you to be miserable and thinks you are fat enough already. You got left out because no one likes you.
There are 10 points in the article I read, ascribing intent is the first one. I think I am going to spend this year (and knowing me next year, too) working through the list and trying to work on defusing my self-sabotage skills. Not all of them hit home, but it seemed as good a place as any to start.
The things I am thankful for this week:
hot water, heating pads, refrigeration, a working heat pump, our continued good health and the fact that none of my kids have any food allergies. We have hosted kids this week who avoid by choice or necessity, entire food groups. I am glad to not have that concern day in and day out.
I am thankful for dogs who chase rabbits in their sleep and dogs who have OCD and simply must howl 3 times exactly.