I am finding that here in what feels like my final hours, I have nothing at all to say. Nothing queued up anyway. Eloquence is something I gave up, unknowingly, but all the same when I started taking antidepressants. Now, I'd rather just deal with the down cycle than screw up my brain like that. I used to be able to rant, argue, keep long lists in my head, validate my point of view and remember to check on food in the oven. Now, I have to write-so I can refer back to what I was just saying when I trail off in thought-or if I am speaking, pause for long moments while I come up with the word that I just thought of. Names are the worst, my brain just does not repeat a thought with any sort of consistency. Try arguing your point when simple nouns are beyond your reach. Yeah.
I have some sort of stomach...thing. Again. Having them used to be my hobby, it filled my spare time and supposed-to-be-sleeping hours with horrible hours in the bathroom floor, trying to gauge which end is next and hoping if I am totally, totally still, it will fade. It got better for a long time. This is the second round in a month and it was BAD this time.
Since I don't want to detail the details, I will post a few recent pics so there's no gap in my narrative.
Ben and I were home alone, so I sang the birthday song by myself, which did nothing to disguise that I am tone deaf. Which does nothing to stop me singing anyway, so Ben just braced himself and thought of cake. He looks to be blowing out candles, but that's a sigh of relief.
His footprint from when he was a year old. I used to have his handprint, too, but one of the dogs coming through our lives chewed it up.
I made them because I woke up one morning convinced Ben had stopped growing. I'd blame all the crack, but I've never even smoked a cigarette.
Nia can be stopped by any amount of sunbeam, I have a theory that a yellow laser pointer would knock her out, She's the Green Lantern Doggie.
The cousins are all getting grown. Adam is 22, in training to be an airline pilot. Chan is nearly 18 and about to finish high school, Jake is 20, working full time, Ben is 16 and still adverse to physical contact of any kind. He cracks me up with that pose. *can't touch anyone* Butterbean is 14 months old, finally neutered and a MUCH better dog now. Jackson is 17 and Maddie is 16 and working after school. They (her family) just moved back to Tennessee after living in Florida for several years. They live half a mile from my sister, it's all very cozy.
I imagine we will see them again next year, possibly the year after. I have given up trying to sort any actual relationship with my family. I didn't say what Jackson was up to because other than his middle name and date of birth, I know NOTHING about the kid. I always thought the cousins would all be such great friends, and they were for a few years. Chan and Maddie were very close as kids. Then my mother went (even more) insane and they flocked to her side and that told me enough. I don't want drama, if they do then dram away, yo. Just keep that shit away from mine.
I redid the purple in Chan's hair and it is QUITE bright!
Monday, Jake did not have Explorers, but was off early anyway, so I picked him up and we went to see the new Frankenstein movie. Here's a spoiler-James McAvoy spits when he talks with any level of conviction. Maybe his character does, but Jake and I were both yelling 'SWALLOW' at the screen. It was horrifying.
Daniel Radcliffe was so good as Igor, I liked the whole movie-it looked exactly how I wanted it to. Other than the spittle bit.
Before the movie, we had to pick up gerbil food and the pet store had these hoodies half off.
Nia goes totally stiff and falls over like a fainting goat. You have to bribe her to move with cookies. Then she pouts, *stupid hoodie*
Murphy Jones has NO IDEA he's wearing a shirt.
We left them in the house Monday for a few hours and they went on a destroying rampage! ALL the tissue boxes were emptied one Kleenex at a time ALL over the beds, I had just bought a box per person because we all get the sniffles this time of year. Then they got in the trash and distributed all the used tissues as well. Then they ATE the cover off the new heating pad and Murphy destroyed his bark collar.
I imagine they had a wonderful run of things jumping on the beds and making a huge mess. It is ALL Murphy's fault because Nia is 3 and we have had her all but 8 weeks of that time and she has never made a mess, not once. She doesn't even pull the squeaks out of her toys.
On Friday night, Matt got rear ended. He was stopped, signal on, waiting for traffic and a guy plowed right into him. It was a bad few days while Matt fumed, but insurance hooked him up with a rental car so he's suddenly in a MUCH better mood. Still no news on the car, so the bank is letting us skip this month's payment in case they total it. The other guy's insurance is being REALLY nice, it makes me suspicious.
