Yesterday was our last day off until after the play. We spent it doing nothing at all, which was very nice. I have decided something about myself. I could never be Green Lantern because when I focus my will, it would be for a hot bath or my bed or a book or a good movie. I could never think up a weapon or defense in time to save anyone. Some guy falling off a bridge? I'd conjure up a hammock. Bad guy badgering someone? I'd put ticks on him. Or her. Not every bad guy is an actual guy. Or a puss caterpillar. Not every bad guy is a puss caterpillar either, but in this case, I am meaning to say that I'd put green glowing ticks or a green glowing puss caterpillar on the bad person. Yes. And...oh, swing them really, really high. I have nightmares about that.
Today, I don't feel well. At all. I am nauseated. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Or my stellar diet of late that consists of Lean Hot Pockets, Luna bars, bananas and diet coke. I can't get interested in even opening a can of soup. I think I am having my usual summer depression that has been deepened by the loss of my puppy dog. My brain keeps yelling, "Dingos ate my baby!" and it's...well...it's not really surprising given it's MY brain, but the fact that it's probably true just sucks.
It's been a really hard week, I have reached some level of peace, but I still cry often. I have wondered if giving me a deadline would help. Like, by June 20, I need to be eating real food again (not to mention feeding my poor family) and by June 25 I should stop crying every time I see a reminder and by July 1, I should be able to get rid of her clothes and toys. Maybe I should swap that last two. There's the small matter of the kids have hidden many of her things, too. Her food bowls, tug toy, the pink squeak, her monkey, blue bird and her collar and leash were missing when I got up Wednesday. And her little sweater and camping t-shirt are still in the camper. The one I made with the camper on it, so if she got away at a campground, someone could find us. Fucking life, I was not done loving her yet. And there are so many dogs people just throw out every day. And I had one I would have kept forever. How is that fair? Like I said, hard week.
I did have a really good time Tuesday, taking pictures of the kids
dressed up. I slept better Monday night with the house full of kids
than I have in a long time. Being out Tuesday and getting to use my
photo eyeballs and brain really got me out of my rut. It was not that I
was being useful, it was that I felt less useless.
Rehearsals are going...well, they are ongoing. I think Robin Hood is going to suck eggs to be honest. The full dress rehearsals are in less than 2 weeks, the opening night is 2 weeks from tomorrow. The kids still have not even rehearsed a couple of the songs yet, the director has been sidetracked by personal issues. Costumes are a big ? There is mayhem at rehearsals and one of the girls IN the play is a royal PITA who is having major diva issues. Well, more than one, but she wins for pure screech level. The kids love being in the theater but they can hardly wait for this show to be over. There have been multiple assurances from each that this is the last play with this group, but I won't hold them to it. Tempers run high and it's stressful, I know all about dramatic ultimatums and how they can be totally forgotten or explained away after the heat of the moment has passed. And, well, they love the applause. Who doesn't?
I am looking forward to the next Alice rehearsal, I think that will end up being the balm that soothes the cranky child this month. Homeschoolers have such a different view of everything, we have really enjoyed their upfront rules and expectations and their laid-back approach to directing. In just 2 hours last week, they changed lines to what the kids found more funny, they loved the direction Jake took his character, there were costume additions, loads of suggestions and talking and the group of actors spent as much time laughing as they did on the read-through. I think that's more the 'thing' the kids have been looking for in a theater experience.