Various recent events have made me realize something all over again. And that is to put it simply: say what you need. In a very minor example, last week one of the moms was holding a cabinet door while her little one tried yet again to get into it. We found a rubber band and we looped it around the handles and that was it. But for 2 days she had been guarding that cabinet door instead of saying, "Hey, I could use some help!"
Another friend told me about a falling out that would have been prevented totally if the other person had simply said what they needed at the start. There have been other recent personal issues in which a simple, "I need" or "I want" at any point would have saved hassle or even grief. If you need help or resolution, you have to let the other person know WHEN YOU NEED IT. Getting mad after the fact is only hurtful to yourself and the relationship and if much time has passed, the facts are blurred, the wrong things are focused on, resolution becomes a chore. I am seeing that so clearly right now.
I don't understand that aspect of social boundaries or human nature or whatever it is that makes people keep it to themselves until there's so much in there that a blow-up is inevitable. Even the Bible, the most basic of guidebooks says, "Ask and you shall receive." Or my instructions to the kids: "Open your pie hole and say what you want. My psychic powers are in my other pants." I spent so much time angry over things in my childhood only to realize as an adult that I just had never told anyone what I wanted, I must have expected my divorced parents who were working full time jobs and dating for the first time in 30 years to pause a while and read my mind.
While I was lost driving around the other night (seriously, Tracy City, Tennessee-road signs, the occasional street light. They are not a new invention! If not for recognizing a pack of roaming dogs, I might still be out there somewhere.) While I was lost, I was flipping through the radio and caught a sermon and stopped because he had a glorious accent. And it was a voice in the darkness. What he was saying was very similar to my recent train of thought. It was that when people pray they do so like shooting a shotgun, it scatters and they hope to hit something out there. You need to pray like an arrow, have a target, ask for exactly what you want and then ask for more. Instead of asking for blessings, ask for the job promotion. Instead of asking for patience, ask for help with a particular task. God wants you to tell him what you need and be specific. So does the Universe.
This was such great advice, even for the non-religious, I was buzzing when I got back to the barnhouse. So, for the rest of the year, instead of dwelling on things that have gone wrong because something was not voiced, I am going to focus on making sure I ask after people more often, say what I want more often and in general, try to work at opening my own pie hole. This silly thing of not wanting to be a bother is for the birds. Worst case, you hear a few no's. Best case, you get exactly what you want. I think it's worth the gamble!