Matt picked us up a new vacuum yesterday. I am in love.
Our old vacuum had just...well, it was possessed by a lower level imp who was LAZY. Not only did it barely vacuum any more, the wheels had started rolling off when you used it. Not just FALLING off, no. They would roll away underneath the bed or couch or 20 feet across the living room. Then, sometimes it would clog up and start blowing stuff back out. And it would NEVER suck back up all it blew back out. Like filling in a hole!
I told him my sad little budget ($50) and hoped we could get by a little longer before having to put some real money into a vacuum. This puppy was $46, a Bissel. It has...attachments! It's been SO long since I could vacuum corners, I usually just sweep with the broom all around the corners and edges and then run the vac. This has so much power, it's like a self-propelled mower! It pulls itself along and you just sort of walk behind and think about maybe watching a movie in a bit.
I ran it last night in the living room and weighed the canister. TWO pounds of dust and dirt. TWO. It was astonishing. I ran in here and did my room, then Matt got the attachments and got under his desk, a.k.a. Graveyard of the Ladybugs. He kept saying "oo, glad you didn't see THAT" every now and then.
That can only mean one thing-the dry husks of dead camel crickets, the worst invention EVER in the history of insects. Well, other than the mosquito which has caused more deaths than all the wars combined. 1 in 17 people will die from a disease injected into them via a mosquito. Most likely malaria, which is responsible for 300-500 million cases a year and killing between 1 and 3 million people. There are only about 10 million people in the entire state of Alabama. We could be extinct in 4 measly years-a decade at best.
Second only to the mosquito, the camel-or cave-cricket is a bane upon this earth. Let me just share this little nugget with you, from wikipedia: Given their limited vision, cave crickets will often jump towards any perceived threat in an attempt to frighten it away. Their large hind legs allow them to jump high and far. I highlighted the scary parts.
OMG, I had to take a minute to stop rocking back and forth and sucking my thumb thanks to the flashbacks. UGH. I hate those things, what the article fails to mention is that they make a NOISE when they land because they are so heavy, they can cling to bare skin thanks to prongy leg things and if you squash one, it smells like rot-not the earthy rot of dead leaves, but the rot of the mouse (*ahem* mice) your cats left on top of your van that 2 trips to the car wash failed to fully remove and now there's a green spot on the top of the van and I keep looking outside to yell at the cats for getting too close to it again and I put vinegar up there to keep them off because they hate the smell and then worried it would make the paint fall off when the sun baked it and then took it back to the car wash and THEN the dead mice finally washed off-other than the aforementioned green stain. I think the vinegar soaked them loose. Well, the bits that were left.
Also, they-the crickets-will eat holes in anything damp left on the floor. Needless to say, I am downright anal about the laundry being done DAILY. It never, ever piles up unless we are on a trip and it's with us safely tucked inside the rubberized contours of my Rubbermaid laundry bag with the zip-tie top! I love that thing, too. It weighs 9 pounds totally empty and requires a small wagon to move it when full, but I am very pleased with how well it works. You can't smell Jake's shirts or the 3 day old towel used at the river, even with it inside the tiny camper. I do air-dry everything before putting it in there, don't haul around wet laundry, that's just gross.
What was I talking about? Oh...the new vacuum! So, Ben and I attacked the back porch, his room, the living room corners and under stuff and then opened the air return cage thing in the wall and vacuumed the inside of that and cleaned the vents! The cannister filled up over and over, it was like some kind of alternate universe Christmas when we opened it to look each time. WOW! Where was all of that hiding! I thought the house was basically clean with some clutter. Turns out, we've been living in a cesspool-but the dry kind. A cesspit? Well, maybe not THAT drastic, more like we've been living halfway around a 1/4 mile loop of dirt road with a crappy vacuum cleaner.
But no longer! I have sworn off that life, the old life that I once led (before yesterday) and vow that from here on, there will be carpets that sparkle and no more cobweb corners!
Also, I drank a red bull (zero) for the first time today and did not know it was carbonated until after I shook it up and opened it. So, back to day one of no carbonated drinks tomorrow! Blah. But, 250% of B vitamins, I am STOKED. Woo! Gimme another room to vacuum! I wonder if the cord will reach outside?!
