We moved here 9 years ago. For 3 years before that, we lived outside Nashville and for 2+ years before THAT, from the time we were married until we moved to TN, we lived about 1/4 mile from here, much further back in the woods. Being broke and having no job and being pregnant, I stayed home with the kids every single day. We went out on Sunday evenings to get groceries for the next week, Sunday being the only day Matt did not work. He worked nights, so days, I had 1, 2 then 3 small children and no way to leave with them and no where to go even if I could leave, so we spent hours each day outside. We would stay up until midnight, then sleep until around 10 a.m., Matt would come in around 5 in the morning and get in the bed with us, we all slept in one bed, finally kicking Jake out onto a toddler bed when Ben was nearly here.
I was scared ALL of the time, pregnancy is no good for me in the first place. I am fairly rational, but throw some hormones on there and I lose it PDQ. My brain opted to make everything worst case scenario if Matt was 3 minutes late, he was either dead or having an affair. If one of the kids sneezed, it was malaria. If money was extra tight, I would have trouble even breathing because I could not seem to realize AIR was still free, it was like I was being metered. I planned everything ahead 2-4-6 and 12 months. I had a schedule and a time table for everything and totally lost my shit if we deviated from it. It's a wonder we are still married, other than he just wasn't around to notice how crazy I was.
But, my point is, I DID have access to a riding mower and we had a good wagon. I kept trails cleared all through the woods and this was when gas was .87 a gallon, so keeping the mower going was not a financial burden. I wonder what I would have done if a 5 gallon container was $17.50 to fill up, the way it is now. I could put Jake in the wagon with some bread and jelly and a plastic jug of lemonade and put Channa on my lap and we'd drive off down to the bluff and have a picnic, sometimes every single day of the week. When my belly got too big with Benny (who at that point was called 'Bumper'), Chan was big enough to ride in the wagon with Jake.
If not for those woods, these woods I can see from the kitchen, and that mower that gave me a way to escape, even for just a little while and just a little way, I don't know what I would have done. It would not have been a good life for the kids, that's for sure. Being in the woods kept me sane, even while it was a primary source of my isolation.
It's strange to think of that time now, even walking the same trails. It's almost like it was a book I read of a terribly lonely young woman with no type of compass at all. One I don't ever want to pick up again.
But, it's good to know walking down to the creek still brings me the same level of tranquility.
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| Trillium |
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| Not an otter |
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| Toothwart |
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| Fiddlehead |
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| Violet. These are edible and quite good, flower and leaves. |
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| Water snake from across the creek where I landed after I looked down and saw it about 2 inches from my delicious foot. |
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| The constant trickle and flow of water is so soothing, I wish we had a creek closer to the house. |
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| My awesome new kicks, New Balance Ndurance with the optional neon green laces. |
Things I harvested to add to lunch and things I collected with roots and rhizomes to transplant into my little wildflower garden.
I am attempting to keep Nia out of it. I keep wanting to get mad about her digging, but Jessie and Kuma dug up and ate 27 trees the first year we had both of them. She's just making little holes all over the place.
I am attempting to keep Nia out of it. I keep wanting to get mad about her digging, but Jessie and Kuma dug up and ate 27 trees the first year we had both of them. She's just making little holes all over the place.
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| Lunch: Spinach, parsley, dandelion and violets topped with oil and vinegar mixed with flax seeds |
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| dinner last night: Corn chips with seasoned tofu, black beans and kidney beans Topped with fresh cilantro, tomato, cheese and sour cream |
