Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Buzz

The heat index is 110 this week.  And the grass grows an inch a day because it's been raining Miracle Grow.  Combined, the 2 elements = misery.

Matt and Jake mowed the front here over the weekend, and instead of doing the side and back yesterday, I headed down to mow at Judy's.  UGH.  That's the 8th time this summer I have mowed her yard and it's not getting any easier.  A 19 inch wide push-mower against that HUGE yard is about like going at it with a pair of scissors.  But, it's done again for the week.  I still need to finish up here and there's still a big section behind her house that's not mowed, but to be honest, I can't summon up some care at the moment.  That yard is a 5-hour job when the grass is not soaking wet.  I had to stop about 30 times to clear the grass out of the blades it's so wet right now-and days of rain coming in.  It's exhausting and all I have gotten for my efforts is a busted-out tail light from when I went to check to see if she had enough gas and backed into the pole. 

I spent yesterday trying to see what I am supposed to learn from the experience.  It has not come to me yet.  I know I don't HAVE to keep her yard nice, but...who else is going to do it?  I am not sure why it has to be me, the woman hated me.  Called me a gold-digging whore more than once. I thought about that as I cleaned out clog after clog of wet grass from the blades yesterday.  About how she told me to keep away from her family, that no one liked me or wanted me or trusted me.  And, she must have been right because in 14 years I have never been contacted personally by a single member of Matt's family other than his mom, and that's usually to pass on info or to answer a direct non-personal question. 

I don't know how to feel, the only feedback I have is my own inner dialogue.  Anyway, I thought I would write things out, maybe if they can be on a page, the feelings won't be crowding my brain.  About all I feel when I am walking back and forth is lonely.

About Me

Unschooling mama from the start with 2014, 2016 and 2018 graduation dates. I enjoy camping, reading, swimming, hiking and photography.